Red Eye: Stopping the Library Porn Epidemic
A clip from the best show on Cable News: Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld.
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Tags: Fox News Red Eye Greg Gutfeld Andy Andrew Levy Bill Schulz RedEye FoxNews FNC Late Night Comedy Steven Crowder Marc Lamont Hill Barret Swatek Brook GoFox SE Cupp Jim Norton Imogen Lloyed Webber
Added: 2 years ago
[scene opens on the set of "Red Eye", as host Greg Gutfeld sits at a table (surrounded by his guests Bill Schulz, Jim Norton, Sarah Elizabeth Cupp, and Imogen Lloyd Webber), speaking directly to the camera]
GREG: So, how do you stop people from looking at porn in the library? Well, I invite them over for dinner. But one New England town may have another way, by stabbing them in the genitals ... I kid. Actually, Quincy Massachusetts city councilor - great guy, by the way - Daniel Raymondi has asked the mayor to make public a list of people who have viewed porn on library computers in the past year. Under the current policy, violators are given two warnings before they're banned. Raymondi says part of the motivation is to determine if any of the violators are sex offenders. Anyway, the city's legal department is now reviewing the request, but will it work? We went to Gym Bunny for comment.
[cut to a clip of a furry (i.e. a shirtless man wearing a rabbit head costume) lifting weights, then cut back to the set]
GREG: Guess Gym Bunny can't be disturbed when he's working out. Can ya blame him? Working out is awesome, right Gym Bunny? Yeah, I know.
BILL: He's currently dating Gym Rat, it's inter-species!
GREG: Jim, without free porn, what the point is a library?
JIM: Exactly! If I can't drop my sweats, there's no reason to go into that boring place! That's how you embarrass somebody, you just make 'em stand in front of everybody and you put a blacklight over the front'a their pants!
GREG: There you go! Imogen, is it the ugly secret that our nation's libraries are centers for homeless masturbation?
IMOGEN: No. But also, if you're remotely bright and want to behave like this, surely you would just nick somebody else's username? You just steal somebody else's, isn't that what you do? Get someone else's username and password?
GREG: I think ... That's true, that's true. But I think most of these people are caught in the act, literally caught in the act. Uh, S.E., is this just another reason to shut down libraries? No one uses them anymore.
SARAH: Who needs 'em?
GREG: Some people actually go there and rent movies.
SARAH: I've never heard of this, but who the eff goes to a public library to watch porn?
GREG: Homeless people!
SARAH: Can we get these guys a PC? I mean, if we can get, if we can raise money to get inner-city kids computers, why can't we hold a bake sale to get these poor idiots home computers?
BILL: Because they would have sex with the baked goods!
SARAH: There's gotta be an outreach program! And by the way, as a former Mass-hole, I gotta tell you, it's "quin-ZEE" not "quin-CEE."
GREG: Oh really?
GREG: I had no idea ... I thought it was named after Jack Klugman!
SARAH: It's "Quin-ZEE," I promise ...
GREG: Oh ... But hey, y'know Bill, library staff says they've only talked to two or three people a year about looking at porn at work. What did you say when you were caught?
BILL: [laughs] I, uh, blamed the homeless person sitting next to me!
SARAH: There you go!
BILL: He smelled worse, and they bought it! They, uh--
GREG: You mean Dad ...
BILL: [laughs] Yeah, sorry Dad ... Uh, I keep hoping that the mayor of this town is one of the first people that are gonna come out as the guy that surfed on Chubby Cheerleaders Dot Org!
SARAH: Oh, totally! Totally!
BILL: When they went on there, and it's gonna go down to one of those people on the city council, because they deserve this! Let these poor homeless people have their fun!
SARAH: I agree.
GREG: It's a good point about porn. I mean, as much as it infiltrates and ruins lives, you can't come out against it because at some point, they're gonna find it on you.
JIM: Yeah, I think it's something that everybody likes. If you don't like porn, there's something wrong with you. How can you not enjoy, I mean, how can you look at those images or videos, or if you pay a couple to be in front of you ... that's not unheard of.
BILL: It's being an American!
BILL: I can tell by Imogen's expression right now that she absolutely agrees.
IMOGEN: I do absolutely agree, and I love your porn habit! We've discussed many times, it's something I love about you.
GREG: Here's the thing, ninety percent of the people who hate porn, hate porn because they love porn.
GREG: What it does, is it taps into this part of your life that says "You're weak."
GREG: That you cannot control your own desires, and that's why when you watch porn, you feel a sense of self-loathing over yourself, often sitting alone in your room ... crying.
BILL: Omnipresent pop-up ads mocking you.
GREG: Yeah ... Swearing you'll never look at it again. Forty five minutes go by, you're back there. Staring at it. Saying, "This is the last time. This is the last time." Then, forty five minutes go by, you're back again. You can't stop ... Why am I talking, who am I talking to?
[everyone laughs, and the scene fades to black]
Mass. city councilor wants to name and shame people who access porn on library computers
Published June 29, 2010
QUINCY, Mass. (AP) — A city councilor in Massachusetts thinks he's come up with a way to stop people looking at pornography on public library computers — name them and shame them.
Quincy Councilor Daniel Raymondi has asked Mayor Thomas Koch to make public a list of people who have viewed pornography on library computers within the past year. The council unanimously approved a resolution on the idea last week.
Library director Ann McLaughlin tells The Patriot Ledger that using library computers to access porn is against policy, and violators are given two warnings before they are banned. She says she's not sure publicly naming violators would work.
A spokesman for the mayor says the city's legal department is reviewing Raymondi's request.
QUINCY - Daniel Raymondi and the Quincy city councilors who courted the 11 o'clock news and drive-time news radio with their name-and-shame policy at the Thomas Crane Public Library should have known the ultimate consequences of their recent action.
Quincy suddenly became known coast-to-coast as the city that wants to shame its population of porn addicts who frequent the public library.
For a problem that comes up only two or three times a year, according to the Thomas Crane librarian quoted in The Patriot Ledger, Quincy's rep is now closely tied with porn and pervs.
It was well covered by the Associated Press in a news story that was carried on scores of news outlets, including Network World, the Washington Times, Fox News and CBS affiliates as far away as Los Angeles.
It simply wasn't worth pursuing the resolution.
I prefer that public libraries not overly restrict access to Internet content, but perhaps better filtering software is in order to block offensive sites.
That may have been the better – and less newsworthy – resolution.