Thou Shalt Not Take the Lord's Name in Vain
A clip from the movie "The Ten" by David Wain. In it a woman (Gretchen Mol) travels to Mexico for vacation. There she begins a summer fling with a man who turns out to be Jesus (Justin Theroux). The entire skit is a dead on parody of the movie "Y tu mama tambien."
Tags: Gretchen Mol David Wain The Ten Mexico Justin Theroux tu mama tambien Jason Sudeikis Parody Jesus Christ
Added: 2 years ago
[scene opens inside a public library, as a young female librarian (blonde hair, glasses, brown sweater) is checking the due date slip in a book and finds the name "Dick Inyerhole" written in pen ... so (after covering it with white-out) she picks up a book entitled "Berlitz Spanish Learner's Guide" and starts mouthing the words to herself]
GLORIA JENNINGS: "Hola ... Como esta? Estoy bien."
[she looks up from the book and smiles, pretending to have a conversation with someone]
GLORIA JENNINGS: Hola! Como esta?
[she tilts her head back and shrugs]
GLORIA JENNINGS: Estoy bien! Estoy bien!
[she looks out the window and sees a couple kissing]
GLORIA JENNINGS: [whispers] Te quiero, mi amor ...
[cut to a young nerdy-looking male librarian (red hair, glasses, yellow sweater) suddenly standing at the desk in front of her]
OLIVER JENNINGS: Brushing up on your Spanish?
GLORIA JENNINGS: Yes. No, wait a minute ... Si.
OLIVER JENNINGS: Ooh, that was very good ... Sounds just like my nanny.
GLORIA JENNINGS: Gracias.
[he makes a face at her accentuation of the second syllable]
OLIVER JENNINGS: Mm, that wasn't as good ... You had me at "si," but then you lost me at "gracias."
[she nods her head slightly]
OLIVER JENNINGS: Anyway, uh, I want you to meet Tony. He's gonna be filling in for you while you're in "Me-jico" all summer.
GLORIA JENNINGS: Very good, Oliver! You used the native pronunciation, which includes the "x" having an "h" sound ... "Me-jico."
[he gives a nervous laugh]
OLIVER JENNINGS: See how much fun we have together, Gloria? When are you gonna get over yourself and go out with me already?
GLORIA JENNINGS: I wish I felt that way, but ... I don't.
[Oliver tries to (awkwardly) laugh it off]
OLIVER JENNINGS: You can't blame a gal for trying ... Every day. For five years.
[she looks down]
OLIVER JENNINGS: At any rate, I want you to meet Tony, your temporary replacement.
[camera pans down to reveal a young man (brown hair, no glasses) squatting down so that he is eye-level with the desk]
TONY CONTIELLA: Hey, how's it going?
[she laughs nervously upon noticing him]
GLORIA JENNINGS: Oh, didn't see you there ...
TONY CONTIELLA: Oh.
[he gets up, then laughs nervously]
TONY CONTIELLA: Hello ... Sorry, is that better?
GLORIA JENNINGS: Much.
TONY CONTIELLA: [quietly] Yeah ...
GLORIA JENNINGS: Well, the filing system is over here. I've written down the instructions for the voice mail here.
[Tony wanders off, but she keeps talking]
GLORIA JENNINGS: And if you need anything, you can call me at--
OLIVER JENNINGS: Gloria, relax! Take your vacation ... Go wild! Have fun! Tony can handle things. Right, Tony?
[he turns, as Tony is now at the opposite end of the room, kneeling on the floor]
TONY CONTIELLA: Yeah!
GLORIA JENNINGS: Maybe you're right ...
[cut to an airplane taking off, then a Spanish-speaking narrator describing the action as Gloria walks the streets of Mexico]
NARRATOR: [translated] Gloria left the next morning, headed for Villa Recuerdo, a small fishing town 360 kilometers south of Mexico City. At the age of thirty-five, she was still a virgin. Except there was this one time she did "everything but" ... with the dude from Tech Support.
[cut to Gloria being led through town by a one-legged man pulling a bicitaxi]
NARRATOR: [translated] An old friend of Gloria's father had invited her to spend the summer.
[the man stops, and she gets out to embrace an older couple]
ALFONSO ZAVATA: [translated] Gloria! How you've blossomed!
GLORIA JENNINGS: Gracias!
ALFONSO ZAVATA: I ...
GLORIA JENNINGS: Yes?
ALFONSO ZAVATA: Uh, I want to ...
GLORIA JENNINGS: Yes?
ALFONSO ZAVATA: I want to ... fuck your tits. Yes?
[he smiles, but Gloria (somewhat taken aback) shakes her head]
GLORIA JENNINGS: No, no ... I don't think that's what you're trying to say.
ALFONSO ZAVATA: Uh, one moment. One moment.
[he turns to his wife]
ALFONSO ZAVATA: Rosa.
ROSA ZAVATA: Hm?
ALFONSO ZAVATA: [translated] How do you say "fuck your tits" in English?
[cut to various shots of Gloria enjoying life in Mexico, including walking through a street market when a vendor stops her and hands her a mango]
RODRIGUEZ: Guerita, guerita! Try these.
GLORIA JENNINGS: Oh.
RODRIGUEZ: Very juicy!
GLORIA JENNINGS: Gracias.
[she looks up, and suddenly sees a long-haired man in a sleeveless shirt carving something out of wood ... she's overcome with desire (absent-mindedly fondling her breast and squeezing the mango until the pulp comes out) and runs off in embarrassment]
RODRIGUEZ: Hey, senorita! Tres pesos for the mango!
[the carpenter stands up, as the vendor mutters to himself under his breath]
RODRIGUEZ: Jesus Christ! I needed that money to buy another mango.
[cut to Gloria and Alfonso eating at a table outdoors]
ALFONSO ZAVATA: Gloria ...
[she turns to him]
ALFONSO ZAVATA: [translated] You will join us tonight at our festival of music, wine and sensuous dance.
GLORIA JENNINGS: Gracias, Alfonzo, but ... Yo estoy tired from el air-o plane-o.
ALFONSO ZAVATA: Mm.
JESUS: [translated] How disappointing.
[she turns to see the carpenter walking up behind them]
ALFONSO ZAVATA: Gloria, this is Jesus.
[she slowly gets up, staring into his eyes]
ALFONSO ZAVATA: [translated] He is our VP of Market Research ... Of course, I'm kidding. He's our VP of Accounts Receivable.
[they continue staring into each other's eyes, oblivious to what Alfonso is saying]
ALFONSO ZAVATA: Again, kidding of course. He's a local handyman here in town. This time, I am serious. I assumed you knew that I was serious this time, because the "handyman" concept is certainly more realistic in the context of this small Mexican village.
GLORIA JENNINGS: [whispers] Nice to meet you.
[he casually reaches over and undoes the top button of her blouse]
[he then puts his hand around her and grabs her behind]
GLORIA JENNINGS: Oh ...
[cut to Jesus driving a segway to the festival, as he takes Gloria by the hand and they start dancing ... as their dancing gets more sensual (and Gloria takes off her glasses and lets her hair down), the scene cuts to the two naked in a barn]
GLORIA JENNINGS: Oh, Jesus ...
NARRATOR: [translated] They spent their days and nights together from then on. For Gloria, it was an awakening. An awakening of the soul. And an awakening of her vagina. Vagina. Vvvvvvvagina.
[the scene fades to black]
NARRATOR: [translated] I'm the vvvvagina man.
[cut to Gloria and Jesus in a small boat in the middle of a lake, putting their clothes back on]
GLORIA JENNINGS: [translated] I feel like you penetrate me, body and soul.
JESUS: [translated] You see that Bougainvillea tree?
GLORIA JENNINGS: [translated] Yes, it's beautiful.
JESUS: [translated] Wait here.
[he gets out of the boat, walks across the water, and picks a flower off the tree before bringing it back to her]
GLORIA JENNINGS: [translated] What was that about?!
JESUS: [translated] The flower is a metaphor--
GLORIA JENNINGS: [translated] No no no! You just walked on water, didn't you? Are you ... Jesus? The real "Jesus" Jesus?
JESUS: [translated] Gloria ... I was gonna tell you before, but I knew it would ruin things.
JESUS: [translated] Yes, I'm Jesus Christ. And I'm hoping that now that I've told you, we can put that on the back burner and maybe make love again.
[he starts to unbuckle his pants]
GLORIA JENNINGS: [translated] Hold on a second. Aren't you supposed to signal Armageddon?
JESUS: Yeah, si, pero ... okay.
[he gets an annoyed look on his face]
JESUS: [translated] It's a lot of work. Look, I'm gonna do it, but right now I'm really into ... this. Aren't you?
GLORIA JENNINGS: [translated] Yes, but ... Wow. This is so much to process.
JESUS: [translated] Yes, there's an eternity for the rapture, but ... the summer's only another couple of weeks.
[he leans in and kisses her]
JESUS: [translated] Get ready to experience your own second coming.
[he throws the flower overboard and jumps on top of her]
NARRATOR: [translated] It was difficult for Gloria to say goodbye to Villa Recuerdo ... and to Jesus Christ.
[cut to Gloria saying her goodbyes to the Zavatas, as Jesus fashions a wooden leg for the bicitaxi driver]
NARRATOR: [translated] But she knew her summer would not last forever.
[they leave, as Jesus wipes away a single tear]
NARRATOR: [translated] Years passed ...
[cut to Gloria back in the United States, pushing a baby carriage with Oliver by her side]
NARRATOR: [translated] Gloria eventually married Oliver. They had two children. She always had a special place in her heart for Jesus, but never saw him again ...
[camera pans over to reveal a "Prosthetics Supplies Association of America" vendor table on the sidewalk, with a long-haired man wearing a suit bent down and signing a piece of paper]
NARRATOR: [translated] Until one autumn in St. Louis ...
[the man looks up, revealing himself to be Jesus, as Gloria sees him and they hug ... then cut to the two having lunch in an outdoor cafe]
NARRATOR: [translated] They talked a lot about old times. Jesus was working as a sales rep for a medium sized prosthetics manufacturer. He had still not gotten around to the rapture. As for love, he'd dated many women over the years but nothing lasted.
[cut to Jesus and Gloria hugging, before parting ways]
NARRATOR: [translated] They said goodbye, both knowing it was unlikely they would ever meet again.
[cut to Gloria saying grace before dinner with her family]
NARRATOR: [translated] Over time, memories faded but never left entirely.
OLIVER JENNINGS: And this we pray to you, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
[she smiles, then cut to Oliver and Gloria in bed making love]
GLORIA JENNINGS: Oh, Oliver ... Yes, Oliver. Oh, yeah! Oh, Jesus!
OLIVER JENNINGS: Whoa, whoa, whoa ... Who the hell is this Jesus guy?
GLORIA JENNINGS: Nobody, Oliver ... Don't overreact!
OLIVER JENNINGS: I'm not overreacting ... I mean, how would you like it if I yelled out Patricia's name in the middle of sex?
NARRATOR: [translated] It has been said that one summer in Mexico can change a life forever. This was not only said, it was printed in brochures. It is a registered trademark of our tourist commission.
[as the couple continue arguing, the scene fades to black]
NARRATOR: [translated] Vagina.
The Ten is a 2007 American comedy film, directed by David Wain and cowritten by Wain and Ken Marino, released through ThinkFilm. The film was released on August 3, 2007. The DVD was released on January 15, 2008.
Ten stories, each inspired by one of the Ten Commandments:
1. "Thou Shalt Worship No God Before Me
A guy (Adam Brody) becomes a celebrity after falling out of a plane and becoming permanently embedded in the ground. After a swift rise to stardom, he becomes prideful and arrogant, referring to himself as a god. His career falls apart and he loses everything. His fiancée (Winona Ryder) leaves him for a TV anchor man.
2. "Thou Shalt Not Take the Lord's Name in Vain"
A virginal librarian (Gretchen Mol) has a sexual awakening in Mexico with a swarthy local (Justin Theroux) who turns out to be Jesus Christ. She eventually settles down and marries her coworker (A. D. Miles), but is secretly reminded of her fling with Jesus whenever her family prays before a meal.
3. "Thou Shalt Not Murder"
A doctor (Ken Marino) kills his patient by leaving a pair of scissors inside her abdomen during surgery. Despite expecting the charges to be dropped because he left the scissors in "as a goof", the judge and jury sentence him to life in prison. The judge also disbars his lawyer, who is then told that he should consider a job as a tour guide at the local nuclear plant.
4. "Honor Thy Mother and Thy Father"
A white mother (Kerri Kenney-Silver) enlists an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator (Oliver Platt) to be a father figure to her black children after telling them he is their biological father. It is revealed that their father is in reality Arsenio Hall, but they decide to keep the Arnold impersonator as part of the family; despite not being able to imitate Arsenio, he can do a pretty good Eddie Murphy impression.
5. "Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Goods"
A police detective (Liev Schreiber) covets his neighbor's (Joe Lo Truglio) CAT Scan machine. After continuously buying additional CAT Scan machines to one up each other, both of their wives leave them. After hitting rock bottom, the two neighbors reconcile and go out for a drink. Meanwhile, a disaster at a nuclear power plant during a school tour (led by the former lawyer from the third story) leaves a busload of school children in need of several CAT Scan machines. They arrive at the neighbors' houses but the doors are locked and the two men are at the bar, so all the children die.
6. "Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife"
A prisoner (Rob Corddry) desires a fellow inmate's "bitch" (the doctor from the third story) for his own.
7. "Thou Shalt Not Steal"
The woman (Winona Ryder) from the first story, having recently married the TV anchor man, falls in love with a ventriloquist's puppet, steals it and runs off to have a romantic relationship with it.
8. "Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness"
The ventriloquist, having lost his dummy and become a homeless heroin addict, is told by another homeless man a story about an animated rhinoceros (voice of H. Jon Benjamin) who earns a reputation as a liar. After learning that a band of weiner dogs is intent on infecting others with a fatal STD, the rhinoceros tries to warn everyone. Unfortunately, nobody believes him, and they all succumb to the STD (following an orgy) and die. It is then revealed that the rhinoceros now sells drugs to the homeless men.
9. "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery"
Jeff Reigert (Paul Rudd) presents all of these stories to the audience, while struggling with his own moral dilemma: having to choose between his beautiful wife (Famke Janssen) and his also beautiful but somewhat younger mistress (Jessica Alba).
10. "Remember the Sabbath and Keep It Holy"
The husband from the second story (A.D. Miles) skips church with his family to get naked with his friends and listen to Roberta Flack.
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN
We see Gloria Jennings (Gretchen Mol), a librarian in NYC, practicing Spanish for her big trip to Mexico (say: May-HEE-co). Her fellow librarian Oliver (A.D. Miles) comes up and tries to ask her out, but she says no. A Spanish narrator comes up and says that Virginia 35 years old, single, and a virgin who has had one date in her life where she did, "Everything but..." She gets down to Mexico and greets an old (old like grandpa, I mean) family friend, and says in passable Spanish how glad she is to be there. In English, the guy says, "I want....fuck...your tits." Gloria blushes and says he must be trying to say something else, and the guy turns to his wife and asks her in Spanish, "Honey, how do you say 'fuck your tits' in English?" Anyway, the summer holiday is passing agreeably enough when one day while buying a mango she sees this really hot carpenter with long dark hair and dark skin (wink) staring at her (guess what the mango does). Later, we see the old man introducing Jesus (Justin Theroux) to Gloria, and after one wild night of dancing, the two hit it off, with Jesus penetrating Gloria's vagina many times (while the narrator goes, "vagina....vaaaaaagina....vaginavaginavagina.....i am the vagina man"). One day, while they are on a lake and Gloria is one day away from leaving, Jesus goes to pick Gloria a flower, walking across the water to do it (one of those shallow pools, no doubt). She sees this and finally asks if he's Jesus and is here to bring the rapture, and he says yes, but then he met her, and decided that the rapture was temporary, but love is eternal. She wilts, and after one more night of vaginavaginavagina, she goes back to new York, leaving Jesus behind. Many years later, after Gloria had ultimately married Oliver and had two small children, she saw Jesus again. They went to a diner where he says that he is still working on the rapture, but the love keeps distracting him, and Gloria goes him thinking so much of him that while having sex with Oliver that night she cries out, "Oh, Jesus!" which makes Oliver go, "Who the fuck is Jesus?"
Not long ago I had the chance to sit down with Gretchen Mol for an exclusive interview about her upcoming projects, including the new comedy The Ten, opening August 3rd, in which she plays a virgin librarian who is deflowered by Jesus Christ himself. If you were a fan of the MTV series The State, this is the movie you've been waiting for. It's a State movie, all the way down to a wink-wink cameo from Michael Ian Black.
RS: For your character in The Ten, the glasses she wears and the whole outfit -- did they tell you to come up with your own idea of what a 35 year-old virgin should look like?
GM: No, well ... I always wanted to wear glasses, but the question was, it almost might be over the top or too obvious. But the movie kind of lends itself to these kinds of cliches -- especially my little section, I think, because it's got this torrid kind of romance novel vibe to it. So I thought the glasses would be great. And when I met with the costume designer, we were all in sync on everything.
RS: Did you watch The State's MTV Series back in the day?
GM: I'd heard of it, and since, I've seen it, but I'd seen Wet Hot American Summer. And actually, I've seen David do stand-up at the Fez Under Time Cafe years ago, so I was familiar with their stuff, and I was a huge fan of Wet Hot American Summer.
RS: So you had enough to work with, that you didn't feel the need to go back and study those old shows to get a handle.
GM: I didn't. David was very adamant about wanting people to basically play it straight, and the situation in the script, as he and Ken had written it, was just hysterical, so really it was just about taking what you know and applying it here -- just totally committing to this woman's story and her situation.
RS: Did they approach you for the role?
GM: They did. I don't know exactly how they thought of me, because I don't have a lot of history with comedy, so I was excited, but I had worked with Paul -- we did Shape of Things together, and we worked together on stage for like a year -- so he knew me really well, and I thought 'He knows that I have other facets of my personality that might not be explored yet' and they sent me the script and I was so excited, because I don't get to just play around like that, that much. And they were getting this amazing cast ... it was not a question in my mind, you know. It was in the middle of summer, and it did sort of feel like the old days of going back to summer theater, and being with a bunch of great people and having fun and making a film at the same time.
RS: The whole thing must have been pretty quick -- a few days?
GM: Well, we went to Mexico. Maybe four or five days in Mexico, and then a few days in New York.
RS: Did they use everything you shot?
GM: I think most of it, story-wise, is in there.
RS: Do you and Justin speak Spanish, or did you fake it?
GM: I studied Spanish in high-school, but I totally couldn't do it to save my life. They had some cards, and we were in Mexico, which was great, but I really worked hard before we went down, and I had most of it down. I asked a friend of mine just to say the line so I'd get the accent back and everything. But yeah, at the end of the day, a couple of the lines, it was like [babbles some nonsense] Can you just say that in my ear one more time, please?
RS: So has this made you more open to comedy, like maybe traditional romantic comedy?
GM: I've always been open -- I would love to do more of that. I really feel like that's how audiences get to know actors, in a way, through these kinds of more playful things.