Monday, November 21, 2011

Case Study No. 0076: Conan the Librarian

UHF Conan The Librarian
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Conan The Librarian segment from Weird Al Yankovic's one and (so far) only movie, UHF (1989)

Don't you know The Dewey Decimal System!?
Tags: Conan Librarian UHF Weird Al Yankovic
Added: 5 years ago
From: sirstrongbad
Views: 960,550

[camera slowly pans across the stacks of a typical library]
ANNOUNCER: Never before in the history of motion pictures has there been a screen presence so commanding, so powerful, so deadly!
[the camera stops on the midsection of a large muscular man dressed as a barbarian, then pans up to reveal the full figure with sword in hand]
ANNOUNCER: He's Conan the Librarian!
[cut to a nerdish balding man standing next to Conan]
MALE PATRON: [whispering] Can you tell me where I can find a book on Astronomy?
[Conan picks him up by the collar and brings him up close to his face]
CONAN: [with a halting German accent] Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?
[cut to Conan standing at the front desk, with a sign reading "Return Books Here"]
ANNOUNCER: Conan the Librarian!
[a young male patron and his friend approaches the desk, carrying a stack of books]
YOUNG MALE PATRON: I'm sorry, these books were a little overdue ... [nervous laugh]
CONAN: [he responds by taking his sword and splitting the young man right down the middle]
[cut to Conan giving a "hero" pose as he holds his sword in one hand and a stack of books in the other]
ANNOUNCER: Conan the Librarian!
[cut to a shot of the Conan footage playing on a television screen]
ANNOUNCER: Tonight, only on U-62!

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From wikipedia.org:

Conan the Librarian also appears in a brief segment of the 1989 "Weird Al" Yankovic film UHF. In the segment, the exaggeratedly muscular Guardian of the Shelves chastises—in German-accented English—a library patron who is unsuccessful in finding a book. He then hefts his enormous sword and slices another patron in two for returning a book overdue.

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From byui.edu:

UHF (1989). A young man who seems unable to keep any job because of his tendency to drift off into bizarre daydreams becomes general manager of a shoestring UHF television station that his uncle won in a poker game. The station is on the verge of bankruptcy but rises in the ratings as a result of the wacky programming he puts on the air, including such features as "Wheel of Fish" and "Conan the Librarian." A 30-second promotional ad for the latter program shows a Schwarzenegger-like young man (Roger Callard) dressed in leather asking "Don't ya know da Dewey Decimal System?" and executing a patron who comes to the desk with an overdue item.

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